Valentines
I was looking at Valentine's Day cards last night, and discovered they are all broken into categories. Romantic for husband, romantic for wife, humorous for boyfriend, etc. Problem is, they don't have enough categories. Here are some categories I'd like to propose for future Valentine's Days:
1. "Gee I don't know what the fuck we are anymore but I still care about you and I figure I better send you one of these goddamn things before we pull the sheet over our relationship and call the mortician."
2. "Humorous, yet romantic enough to know that I like you but not to the point of being a stalker."
3. "I hope you get the paper cut from hell in the webbing of your finger while you open this. For all the pain you've caused me, its the absolute minimum payback that karma could dish out. Hope it gets infected with flesh eating staph too!"
4. "Now that you've read this, can we go and fuck?"
5. "Yeah, whatever. I'm trying to watch football."
6. "Yes, dear. No, dear. Whatever you say, sugar plum. No honey bunch, I didn't call you a sugar plum because you're shaped like one, I called you that because your so sweet!"
7. "My wife will kill me if she finds out about you, but you're such a tiger between the sheets!"
8. "I've been peeking through your window at night now for six months, and I figure it's time to let you know how I feel"
9. "One last act of desperation before I start planning our murder/suicide. If I can't have you, NO ONE WILL!"
10. "Even though I know we are best friends, I have fallen madly in love with you nonetheless, and it kills me slowly and painfully when you tell me how badly you're treated by those assholes you date. God I wish you would open your eyes and realize that I am right here waiting for you!"
11. "I think you're really nice, and I love hanging out with you, but the idea of kissing you (let alone fucking you) makes my stomach turn. Please accept this card as a friend and realize you're never going to get in my pants."
12. "I don't take rejection well. If I don't get the reaction I want from this, I am dismembering your little cat and stuffing her into your mailbox. If that doesn't work, you're next."
__________
1. "Gee I don't know what the fuck we are anymore but I still care about you and I figure I better send you one of these goddamn things before we pull the sheet over our relationship and call the mortician."
2. "Humorous, yet romantic enough to know that I like you but not to the point of being a stalker."
3. "I hope you get the paper cut from hell in the webbing of your finger while you open this. For all the pain you've caused me, its the absolute minimum payback that karma could dish out. Hope it gets infected with flesh eating staph too!"
4. "Now that you've read this, can we go and fuck?"
5. "Yeah, whatever. I'm trying to watch football."
6. "Yes, dear. No, dear. Whatever you say, sugar plum. No honey bunch, I didn't call you a sugar plum because you're shaped like one, I called you that because your so sweet!"
7. "My wife will kill me if she finds out about you, but you're such a tiger between the sheets!"
8. "I've been peeking through your window at night now for six months, and I figure it's time to let you know how I feel"
9. "One last act of desperation before I start planning our murder/suicide. If I can't have you, NO ONE WILL!"
10. "Even though I know we are best friends, I have fallen madly in love with you nonetheless, and it kills me slowly and painfully when you tell me how badly you're treated by those assholes you date. God I wish you would open your eyes and realize that I am right here waiting for you!"
11. "I think you're really nice, and I love hanging out with you, but the idea of kissing you (let alone fucking you) makes my stomach turn. Please accept this card as a friend and realize you're never going to get in my pants."
12. "I don't take rejection well. If I don't get the reaction I want from this, I am dismembering your little cat and stuffing her into your mailbox. If that doesn't work, you're next."
__________
1 Comments:
Hello Tim,
My name is Steve and i am designing my bands upcoming EP and i came across your photography. We were really hoping to use http://www.fervor.net/pics/sleeping.jpg and http://fervor.net/pics/angel%20and%20trumpet.jpg for parts of our cd. We will put your name in it for acknowledgement also. If you could email me back at afallaffair@hotmail.com we would really appreciate it.
Thanks,
Steve
Post a Comment
<< Home